Today was a day that I was struggling (but just a little). I had some cravings for typical junk food I would eat, but nothing that would send me into a full on tailspin. I notice that when I get bored I get very "antsy". I don't get an anxious/paranoid feeling, but more of a "I need to be doing something" type of feeling. Something needs to fill that hole, and usually I take comfort in food. I have found that working doesn't fill that void. Other things that I find interesting, usually do not fill the void either. Generally activities that are detrimental to my well being are the things that would take my mind of the boredom, such as:
Alcohol
Sex
Buying Material Things (AKA Shopping)
Smokeless Tobacco
Television
FOOD
When I have previously dieted, I became so obsessed with losing weight, that's all I would think about all day long. In my mind I would plot, plan, chart, graph, and dissect my weight loss. My thinking was focused and frenzied all at the same time. Usually that would last for about 4 to 6 weeks. Then I would lose interest in the planning of my weight loss, because in my mind it had been done to the extreme and there was nothing more to go over. Once I lost interest in the planning of my weight loss that same "antsy" feeling crept back in and I would end up doing something that would end up sabotaging my weeks of progress.
I would always say to myself, "well, it's only one day of backsliding, it won't hurt. I'll go back to dieting tomorrow." That old adage "Tomorrow never comes" rings true in my case. I would back slide right back into the previous gained weight, plus some.
So, this week I decided not to focus at all on my upcoming plans for weight loss. Other than eating my routine meals and blogging I wasn't going to think about the diet once this week and see what would become. My guess is that the times I had previously lost weight, the hyper-thinking had allot to do with my success, but it also led to my downfall. Well, what I guessed about my hyper-thinking was right. I'm quite confident that it helped me stay on task as far as losing weight was concerned, but once I had grown bored with the idea, I had to fill that boredom with something more tangible. My feeling is I need to keep my mind preoccupied with something that it will accept as "fun" or natural.
At any rate, today was a tough one for me. I tried not to think of the diet, but my attention would always return to the thought of getting bored of the idea (of losing weight) again. Trust me when I say I WANT to lose weight. It's just the thought of a year of frenzied thinking of weight loss scares me. It makes me think of slowly going insane. But, that's why I tried a different approach this week. I hope it pays off. But my parting ways with my old lifestyle (junk food binge eating) is a bit of a bummer.
Here are a few things that kept me in a positive state of mind today (in no particular order):
*Thoughts of a slimmer me in 6 months seeing my family and them telling me they could barely recognize me.
*Thoughts of what could happen to me health wise if I had stayed at the same weight or gotten heavier.
*Thoughts of going on a month sabbatical before leaving to France to join the Foreign Legion. I am thinking that I might go to Montreal for a few weeks before I leave for a quick french immersion.
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