I've placed myself on dietary restrictions numerous times before. I have failed myself everytime. The diet works, my dysfunction does not. There have been times when I have lost more than 60 pounds, but will always return to binge eating. I love food. I am a food addict. If I have not had food in awhile and the "cravings" return, I will have an all out binge session where I will eat roughly between 5 to 10pounds of food. More or less, that is about a grocery sack worth of food.I decided for my health and peace of mind to yet again change my dietary lifestyle and become more active. Lately it has become harder to walk the parking lot to my desk when I arrive at work. I will lose my breath with the simplest of tasks. My heart has been beating erratically every once in awhile, I have had strange pains in my arms, legs, and chest as well. There are terrible smells coming from areas of my skin which have become "folds." My penis is slowly disappearing. Clothes are another story, try finding clothes in the latest fashions of the day in 7XL and 8XL, not too mention the price. Worst of all, I now am having trouble wiping my own ass after a bowel movement. This is probably the most embarrassing and worrisome aspect of my obesity to date.
If I continue down the path that I am now, it won't be too much longer before I can't walk at all. It is a terrible life for anyone to live. I don't think anyone would want to live this way, no one sets there mind to choosing this lifestyle. It is created through a perpetual downward spiral of overeating (food abuse, same as drug abuse since food is the drug of choice) and a sedentary lifestyle. The larger I get the less activity I can do. The less activity I do, the more I want to eat to fill the void of boredom and depressed thoughts. I need to make a stand, I need to break the cycle. On Saturday I went shopping for healthy foods: salads, fruit, frozen vegetables, tuna, and eggs. I decided Sunday would be my last binge day. Monday I was going to fast and start my dietary restriction. Monday rolled around and I went all day without thinking about feeding my face... that was until the end of the day. I went to Wal-Mart after work and bought a sack of food: Turkey slices, cream cheese, cashews, raviolis, and coke. The next day I decided to fast again. At the end of Tuesday, I was at Hardees eating a 2 double thick burgers and a large order of fries. Here it is Wednesday, I decided to NOT to fast. I am about to eat my salad and fruit. I know I can do this. I need to do this. I need to break the cycle.
Well, apparently that didn't work. As I can remember I ate the salad and fruit then raided the pantry and had fast food the next day. That brings me to today:
3/3/09
I have been fasting since 2300 3/1/09. Yesterday was terrible. I had 2 medium pizzas in my gut from the night before, and my stomach was killing me. Perfect day to start a diet I suppose.
My goal first and foremost is to lose weight because my body is starting to shutdown. I want to function again. I want to wipe my own ass without struggling. I want to see my cock again. I want to walk from the parking lot to work without feeling like I just ran winds sprints. That's the short term goal.
The long term goal is to drop 300 lbs in in 365 days. That's right, you read that correctly. I know it doesn't seem all that healthy, but hey, neither is 450 + lbs. Actually I don't know my exact weight. The last time I was weighed was last year at the VA hospital. I was 444 in January 2008 when I went to the emergency room for a nasty upper respitory infection. I had just started a diet because I was going to Amsterdam and wanted to be more mobile and have no back problems. The joke was on me, I had MAJOR back problems. I had to go straight to the hospital when I came back from Amsterdam due to back spasms. That was March 2008, my weight then was 416 lbs. So I can only assume I weigh more than the previous 444 lbs because I feel heavier than I did then.
As you might already be able to tell I'm a bit of an adventurist. I spent some parts of my youth traveling across the United States on a bus or on train visiting family. I was travelling on my own since I was 5. My grandmother wanted me to visit for my 5th birthday, so they sent me on a United jet from Portland to Los Angeles and back without an escort. Living in the northwest I loved exploring the forests of Oregon. During my teen years my family moved from the Oregon to California, back to California, and finally I decided to go back to California to live with my father for the duration of high school.
After high school I had planned on joining the military but decided to visit my mom in Des Moines Iowa. It was there that I became independent. I had a job and my own place and I had only been 18 for a few days. After working construction in Des Moines for 6 months I ended up enlisting in the Marine Corps. My hope was that I'd see the world. However, I only saw duty at MCRD San Diego, Camp Pendleton, and Aberdeen Proving Grounds, Maryland. I still enjoyed my time in the Corps, but it left me wanting to get out and travel more. Up to that point I had only been to Mexico... and that was only TJ to party.
After the Corps I ended up going back to Des Moines to settle into civilian life. I had left the Corps do to being overweight and wanted to get back in. I was told by recruiters that it wouldn't be possible even though I had an honorable conditions discharge. I was looking at different options while trying to lose weight. Needless to say, the weight loss didn't come. But I did find the French Foreign Legion at that point and I have been entranced ever since. Even when I kept packing on the pounds every once in awhile I would look up sites about joining the FFL and get excited about losing weight.
So, this is what my ultimate goal is. To lose the weight and leave for France by April 2010 to join the Legion. Even if I get rejected, at least I've lost
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